英语写作指导及范文——One Day in Future School"

2017-01-03 13:12:12   Tag��

英语学习

 

英语学习方法

 
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英语写作指导及范文——One Day in Future School:本次写作任务要求记叙未来学校生活的一天,属于记叙文范畴。记叙文的文章发展要遵循一定的写作顺序来推进,如时间顺序或空间顺序等。本文所要记叙的内容并非一次具体事件,而是对日常生活的概括,因此按照时间的推移来记叙一天的生活是比较合理的写作思路。

  Tomorrow’s World

  写作指导


  ●写作任务:

  你有没有设想过未来的学校生活会是怎样?请以"One Day in Future School"为题写一篇文章,投稿给校刊英文版的"异想天开"栏目。写作要求:

  1. 合理发挥想象力;

  2. 主题突出、结构完整、详略得当;

  3. 语句通顺、上下文连贯、无语法错误;

  4. 词数:120左右。

  ●写作分析:

  本次写作任务要求记叙未来学校生活的一天,属于记叙文范畴。记叙文的文章发展要遵循一定的写作顺序来推进,如时间顺序或空间顺序等。本文所要记叙的内容并非一次具体事件,而是对日常生活的概括,因此按照时间的推移来记叙一天的生活是比较合理的写作思路。文章题目将写作话题限定在"未来"这一特定时间,这就要求同学们充分发挥想象力,畅想未来学校的生活情况。

  在文章内容结构的安排上,同学们需要注意,尽管题目是"一天"的校园生活,但没有必要将每一时刻的活动安排都一一介绍,否则文章就会变成一篇没有重点的流水账。可以通过描述一天中较为典型的时刻或事件突出未来校园与现实校园不同的特色。想必同学们对于未来的学校生活有着各种各样的期待,未来学校的教学工具有何改变?课程设置有什么不同?或者有没有一些丰富多彩的课外活动? 这些都是同学们可以展开叙述的方面。另外,在文章的结尾部分,应用一两句话概括文章的主旨,起到点题的作用。

  ●初稿:

  One Day in Future School

  The technology is developing fast, which will greatly change our school life.

  First, our teaching equipment will change and teaching will become more interesting. There will be a computer on each student’s desk. The computer will provide students with the content of their classes. And our teaching method and school activities will be greatly improved. There will be more interesting discussion classes. Our difficulties and problems can be solved when we discuss in class with classmates and teacher. Finally, we will have more colorful activities. For example, we may have a football game with other class in the afternoon, which seems impossible in today’s school life. The future school life will bring us into a wonderful world. We are looking forward to it.

  ●教师点评:

  初稿文章结构清晰、内容完整,无语法错误;文章从教学设施、教学方法和校园生活三个方面说明未来校园的不同之处。但初稿最大的问题在于作者没有认真审题,写作任务要求写一篇记叙文,叙述未来生活的一天,但初稿更像是一篇说明文,介绍了未来学校生活有哪些变化,不符合写作任务的要求,可以说是一篇跑题文章。这点应在成稿中加以改正。

  ●成稿:

  One Day in Future School

  As soon as I enter the classroom in the morning, I press the red button on my desk and the computer screen on my desk comes on. After sending my homework to my teacher by email, I begin to read the content of today’s class on the screen. The bell is ringing as the teacher comes in. All the students turn off their screens because today we are going to have a discussion about global warming. This is the second discussion class this week. We all enjoy discussion classes because they are interesting and we can learn a lot from them. During lunch time, I can order my favorite food with the help of a computer. It can also tell me which food is the healthiest. In the afternoon we’ll have a football match with Class 3, which makes me excited the whole morning.

  This is one day in future school. It will bring us knowledge as well as interesting activities.

  ●教师点评:

  修改后的成稿符合记叙文的写作要求。首先,文章按照时间顺序叙述了"我"在未来学校中的一天的生活,内容完整、主题突出。其次,文章的最后一段用一句话概括了文章的主旨大意,点明未来的学校生活既可以让我们学到知识,又能带来更多的课外活动。最后,成稿中不仅运用了定语从句"In the afternoon we’ll have a football match with Class 3, which makes me excited the whole morning.",还使用了较多的连接词和短语,如"as soon as"和"during lunch time",使文章读起来连贯通顺。

  ●Powerful Sentences:

  1. In the future, people will make use of ... to make their lives easier. 2. People’s lives will be greatly improved with the use of ...

  3. As soon as I turn on the computer, I can ...

  4. Unlike today, future life will enable us to ...

  5. We can save lots of money and energy with the help of ..., which is very different from today.

  ●巩固练习:

  互联网的潜力正在不断地被挖掘出来,它可以为人们的生活带来更多的便利。也许有一天,人们无需出门,在家就可利用互联网看病求医。现某英文医疗网站正在建设网络就医系统,请你发挥想像力,以"Internet Doctor System"为题写一篇英语短文,谈谈你的新点子。

  词数:120左右。

  写作要点:

  1. 病人可以在电脑上点击感觉不适的身体部位;

  2. 对应不同的症状描述找出病因,并在网上自助购药;

  3. 只限小病,大病还需去医院。


  本期巩固练习参考范文

  Internet Doctor System

  Due to rapid development in online technology, many people now can save time and money by getting a health check online.

  If you have a headache, you can click the head of the person’s body on a computer screen. Then the screen will show different feelings your headache might cause. According to your situation, the computer will tell you the reason for your illness. After the examination, you will be able to go to the online drugstore to buy medicine for yourself. The Internet Doctor System makes our lives easier. However, if you have a serious illness or problem, you should go to see your doctor.


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